Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
