I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
