I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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