Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
