i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
