It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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