member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
