My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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