oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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