Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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