Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
