last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
