she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
