i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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