I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
