Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
