I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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