I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
