so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
