Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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