I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
