my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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