Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
