Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize