im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
