He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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