The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
