i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
