That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
