He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
