If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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