i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
