i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
