I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
