I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
