Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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