i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
