You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am mentally ready for anal.
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