Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
