what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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