i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
