I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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