i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
