you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
