I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
