dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
