I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
