i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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