I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
