well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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