Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
